Yesterday morning I became ill. Sammy had developed the illness and decided to share it.
I worked through the illness, taking the boys to get groceries and retreiving Bruno from a friends house. By the afternoon, my head and throat hurt and my body was aching. I announced that I was going to lay down for a while.
As I laid there with my eyes closed, trying to visualize that I was well and active, I braced myself for at least one of my children to barge into my room either with a question or a request. No one came in, in fact the whole house was quiet. I soon fell asleep.
Forty five minutes past when I was awoken by Bruno lovingly talking to Sammy. Sammy had made a mess of himself and Bruno was explaining why he needed a bath. Normally I would have gotten up to take over the situation, but instead I laid there listening to my son take care of his little brother with compassion and strong guidance.
Bruno and Sammy have had a bond even before Sammy was born. Bruno, age ten, would put his hands on my belly and he would say "Hello Sammy! Its your brother Bruno!" Instantly Sammy would start kicking and rolling, as if he was trying to get out to be with Bruno. This interaction continued when Sammy came out into the world as a critically ill baby. I can't imagine how Bruno felt walking up to his baby brother's bed seeing him unconscious with tubes and wires covering his whole body. Bruno would quietly touch Sammy's hand or the top of his head and he would whisper hello. I would watch the nurse brace herself because Sammy's respirations would speed up which would trigger an alarm because he would breath past his ventilator and his blood pressure would spike suddenly. Bruno would be scared at first until one day I told him that was the only way Sammy could tell him hello back.
Bruno took Sammy's illnesses hard and it was always so difficult to see all my boys in so much pain, in their own ways.
When Bruno was in the fourth grade, his class was going to go on a four day camping trip. Sammy was due for a diagnostic heart cath so I scheduled it for when Bruno was gone, thinking we would be back home before Bruno was. I didn't tell Bruno about it, instead the days leading to the camping trip, I focused on the trip. It was all about Bruno and for the first time in a long time, he was happy and excited.
The heart cath went terribly wrong and Sammy was still in the hospital when Bruno arrived back home. As I saw the fear and sadness engulf Bruno once again, I tried to be thankful for those precious days at camp when he was allowed to be a kid.
One day when Sammy and I were staying at the hospital, my ex-husband called me telling me I had to come home because there was something wrong with Bruno. I came home for the evening, planning to return to the hospital the next morning. Bruno was sullen and quiet as I drove him to his football practice. As I parked the car, we both just sat there.
"It's not fair Mom. I can do anything I want and Sammy can't! He will never play sports! He may die!" Bruno blurted out as tears rolled down his face. The pain in the car was unbearable and I couldn't speak for fear of breaking down myself. I took a deep breath and told him that Sammy would never want Bruno to stop doing something he loved just because he couldn't. I said soon, Sammy would be in the bleachers cheering Bruno on and he would be so proud to say Bruno was his big brother. This eased the pain a little so I threw a joke in. I told him Sammy may not even care that he couldn't play sports. Not every boy wants to play sports. I reminded him of his Uncle Sam, my brother. Uncle Sam hated sports. I said "Hell, Uncle Sam can't walk and chew gum at the same time!" This made Bruno chuckle and reach for the door handle.
"Go out there and play for yourself and know Sammy is proud to have you. I love you so much!" I said as I patted him on the shoulder. The coach was standing outside the car and he wrapped his arm around Bruno as they walked away from me. As I stood there watching the coach and Bruno walk away from me I was so thankful for the coach to take over because I had nothing left in me.
Wrestling season came shortly after football and I missed most of Bruno's season due to spending most of the time with Sammy in the hospital.
One weekend, my sister Lorrie and my mom came to the hospital so I could go watch Bruno wrestle in a tournament. I didn't tell him I was going, I just showed up at the last minute. It was a tough match to watch at first because the other kid had the upper hand and Bruno was taking a beating. I sat in the bleachers holding my breath when I realized everyone had surrounded the mat and all you could hear was people chanting Bruno's name. All the coaches were excitedly screaming at Bruno, instructing him what to do. I had to smile at two of the coaches as they put each other in the moves that they wanted Bruno to do. Finally Bruno got the upper hand and pinned his opponent. The gym went crazy with cheers and excitement. Before I knew it, Bruno had ran up into the bleachers to give me his ribbon and a kiss as he always did after he won.
He froze when he reached me to find I was crying. He quietly asked if Sammy was ok. I told him yes. Bruno asked why I was crying.
"I'm sorry I'm crying...its good tears. I'm so overwhelmed at watching how strong you are and how you didn't quit and just give in. I'm so proud of you Bruno for so many different ways!" I said as I stood up and joined in the cheering of my boy.
I don't know why I was so blessed to be the mom of such extraordinary children but I thank God everyday.
