My baby was nine months old and strong enough to say he would survive, so I took him to meet with a genetic doctor. When he was still in my womb and a newborn baby, having a chromosome disorder meant I had the option to give up on him, which filled me with a rage I never felt before.
He and I sat down with a member of the genetic team to go over his defects and family history. She got to my medical history as she smiled and wished me a happy birthday. Stunned, I asked her to repeat what she said.
"You have listed that January ten is your birthday. Today is the tenth of January. Happy birthday." She stated as she looked at me nervously. I apologized and thanked her as graciously as I could, but silently I didn't care what the date was. I was numb at that point, not caring about anything but my baby and striving to get him help. I had stopped caring about my appearance by that time. I kept my hair in a ponytail because I stopped combing it for the sight of all the hair in my brush sickened me. Showering, sleeping and eating were a luxury I did not partake in often. I wanted to yell at her, "Do I look like I care that I'm a year older?!?".
I would have many more birthdays come and go without celebrating them, until the year I turned forty. I was fully intending not to celebrate that birthday also, but my dear friends showed up unexpectedly to celebrate with me. I showed up, freshly showered with my hair done and a little too much makeup on. We laughed and danced as I had my fair share of alcoholic drinks. I was a different woman, without a care in the world. My friends may not admit it, but what they did for me that day was indescribable.
My next birthday, I sent my baby to his first day of school, in his perfect class and teacher that I was told he would never be blessed to have. I started to see a pattern that my birthdays were blessings, not receiving the ordinary birthday presents and birthday cake, but rather, receiving gifts of love and accomplishments.
My last two birthdays consisted of spending time with my boys doing goofy things such as watching firemen trying to ride donkeys on a basketball court, as my phone went off the hook with my friends and family sending me their love and birthday wishes. This year, I purchased a birthday cake just for the fact that my baby, who's turning into a young man, loves birthday cake and blowing out candles. He walked around all day saying I was forty three, knowing when he went back to school, he would tell his teacher and classmates how old his "Momma" is.
Long gone are the days when I am full of despair and sadness. The love and strength I have been blessed with would never allow that.
Birthdays are not a dreaded event that only shows you that you are getting older. It is truly a celebration of life for you and those around you. Embrace them and treasure them all the days of your life.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Friday, January 9, 2015
Happy Birthday Aunt Linda
I was named after my father's sister. Growing up, I never really wondered why my parents named me after my Aunt Linda. All I cared about was that it made me special.
Christmas, I didn't sit around wondering what Santa was going to bring me, I was more excited to receive that warm hug and kiss from my Aunt Linda as I would crawl up on her lap and listen to her giggle while I would unwrap her present. This Christmas Eve, I was driving to my family's Christmas celebration as a memory came to me of the time my Aunt Linda gave me my first typewriter. It was red with white keys. I was so excited and happy to receive such a precious gift. I spent days and months typing away on that typewriter, secretly knowing that I was a great writer, writing novels that everyone would enjoy reading over and over again. I shared this memory with my Aunt Linda as tears filled my eyes as I realized that her belief in me, even as a young child, created who I am today. I thought it was appropriate to start the new year, writing about her.
My Aunt Linda is someone you would never match with another. She is bubbly and even though I'm sure she has had many heartaches in her life, she does not carry them with her. She is kind and compassionate with a heart that is full and open. She is beautiful and full of grace. Rarely have I've seen her without her great smile. I can't help but to giggle along with her as she tells her funny stories and jokes. Every time she sees me, her eyes and face lights up as she calls me her Little Linda. It doesn't matter how old I become, my heart melts every time.
When my son was born severely ill, I received a letter in the mail from my Aunt Linda. She spoke of angels and miracles and it was exactly what I needed to hear. That letter had a permanent spot in the front pocket of my overnight bag. Many times I found myself pulling that letter out and reading it while I was alone in my baby's hospital room. It always gave me the strength to keep going and to keep believing that things would get better.
During our family Christmas dinner, my aunt was telling a story about my Aunt Linda. As she talked, I thought I would've done the same exact thing my Aunt Linda did. I mentioned to my aunt that I thought I was a lot like my Aunt Linda. She smiled and agreed. I was instantly filled with excitement to think that not only did I share her name, but I was blessed to be have a little of her personality also. My childhood dream of growing up to be just like my Aunt Linda had come true.
A few years ago, I asked my father why he named me after his sister. He told me that he and my mother had no idea what to name me. I was born the day after my aunt's birthday and she was at the house to celebrate it when my mom went into labor. It's not a warm and fuzzy story, but I love it for the fact that I was named after her by chance, which makes my whole story even more special.
So happy birthday, Aunt Linda. May today be a very special day for you filled with all the giggles and love that you deserve. Thank you for all you are and all you do. I honor the gift I was given, carrying on your name with as much love and happiness that you possess. I love you!
Christmas, I didn't sit around wondering what Santa was going to bring me, I was more excited to receive that warm hug and kiss from my Aunt Linda as I would crawl up on her lap and listen to her giggle while I would unwrap her present. This Christmas Eve, I was driving to my family's Christmas celebration as a memory came to me of the time my Aunt Linda gave me my first typewriter. It was red with white keys. I was so excited and happy to receive such a precious gift. I spent days and months typing away on that typewriter, secretly knowing that I was a great writer, writing novels that everyone would enjoy reading over and over again. I shared this memory with my Aunt Linda as tears filled my eyes as I realized that her belief in me, even as a young child, created who I am today. I thought it was appropriate to start the new year, writing about her.
My Aunt Linda is someone you would never match with another. She is bubbly and even though I'm sure she has had many heartaches in her life, she does not carry them with her. She is kind and compassionate with a heart that is full and open. She is beautiful and full of grace. Rarely have I've seen her without her great smile. I can't help but to giggle along with her as she tells her funny stories and jokes. Every time she sees me, her eyes and face lights up as she calls me her Little Linda. It doesn't matter how old I become, my heart melts every time.
When my son was born severely ill, I received a letter in the mail from my Aunt Linda. She spoke of angels and miracles and it was exactly what I needed to hear. That letter had a permanent spot in the front pocket of my overnight bag. Many times I found myself pulling that letter out and reading it while I was alone in my baby's hospital room. It always gave me the strength to keep going and to keep believing that things would get better.
During our family Christmas dinner, my aunt was telling a story about my Aunt Linda. As she talked, I thought I would've done the same exact thing my Aunt Linda did. I mentioned to my aunt that I thought I was a lot like my Aunt Linda. She smiled and agreed. I was instantly filled with excitement to think that not only did I share her name, but I was blessed to be have a little of her personality also. My childhood dream of growing up to be just like my Aunt Linda had come true.
A few years ago, I asked my father why he named me after his sister. He told me that he and my mother had no idea what to name me. I was born the day after my aunt's birthday and she was at the house to celebrate it when my mom went into labor. It's not a warm and fuzzy story, but I love it for the fact that I was named after her by chance, which makes my whole story even more special.
So happy birthday, Aunt Linda. May today be a very special day for you filled with all the giggles and love that you deserve. Thank you for all you are and all you do. I honor the gift I was given, carrying on your name with as much love and happiness that you possess. I love you!
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