I jumped in my car and raced to the new hospital. For the first time, I was truly afraid my boy was going to die. I arrived at the hospital and found someone who would help me find Pants. I was directed to a set of steel doors that I was afraid to go through. I walked into the hallway to find a large group of people in white coats trying to fit into one room, which I knew was Pants'. No one said a word as I walked towards them. They all just moved out of the way so I could see my baby, intubated and quiet. I was terrified to say anything, for fear of what they may tell me.
"Sammy is heading down to the cath lab right now. Give your baby a kiss, Mom. He will be back in a little while." A doctor told him quietly as he smiled and squeezed my shoulder. I walked up and kissed my son.
"He will be ok. I have him." The doctor told me as he followed Pants' bed out the door. I had no idea who this doctor was, but the first time ever in Pants' life, I felt that he was going to make it.
Pants' artery that lead to his lungs, had closed shut and the doctor was able to open it back open.
They finally brought Pants into his room. As the nurse tended to Pants, the doctor introduced himself. He was so kind and sweet. As he explained all that was going on, I found myself relaxing. It felt like I was finally allowed to breathe.
Dr. Quershi worked primarily in the cath lab but he agreed to take Pants on as a patient. He genuinely loved Pants and he worked tirelessly to give Pants a life. His hugs and smiles that he would give me soothed me and kept me going.
Two years ago, Pants was hospitalized for an unknown cause of septic shock and it was me that hugged Dr. Quershi to try to comfort him because I couldn't bear to see him leaning against the wall looking worried and defeated.
Yesterday, I discovered Dr. Quershi had accepted a position in another hospital far away. I couldn't help to cry. How could I do this without him? Who would comfort me when Pants would need another surgery? Once again, I was alone.
I allowed myself to cry and worry for a while until the realization came to me that maybe I didn't need Dr. Quershi's comfort anymore. Pants wasn't the same critically ill baby that was rushed into Dr. Quershi's hands years ago. I wasn't the same terrified, lost mom.
This morning, I woke thinking not of my loss, but with gratitude that Pants and I were blessed with the time we had with Dr. Quershi.
Certain people come into your life for only a short time to help you get through situations and then they have to go. I find it is best to have gratitude for the time you have with them, instead of mourning the loss of their departure.
Dr. Quershi will always be in my heart.
