"I'm sorry but I can't live with you anymore. I have given you many chances to stand up and be a man and take care of your family. Not only do you chose not to, you destroy every thing I work for. I'm taking the boys to my mom's for dinner. When I get back, I want you gone." I said nervously, hoping he would just go quietly. He started to yell, but I didn't listen. I slipped out of the front door and walked quickly to my car.
Once I was a safe distance away, I allowed myself to breathe. I had no plan. I had no idea what I was going to do. I had enough. I had been through hell and I deserved a life. My children had been through hell and deserved a life.
I told the news to my mother and sisters and the day consisted of what I assumed were looks of worry on their faces as they whispered of their doubts that I was making the best decision.
Time passed and I have struggled greatly until I was blessed when my life coach appeared and helped me realize I had a path and I should follow it.
Spiritually, I progressed smoothly. I embraced the magic life had to offer. I embraced that there was indeed a Higher Power. I witnessed miracles every day. I was humbled when I could touch someone and help them heal. To live with my heart open was liberating.
Physically, my world was a disaster. Nothing worked out. I was still trapped in the house I needed to escape. All the plans I could see vividly in my mind never came to pass.
Last year, my ex-husband let the house go into foreclosure just so I wouldn't have a place to live with his children. That was the straw I needed and I vowed to open my eyes to what I couldn't see. I admitted that I had no idea what was good for me. I had no business making any kind of decision.
What I have learned during this time is that every one I physically surrounded myself with did not want the best for me. In fact, some wanted nothing more than to destroy me. I've gone through all the emotions and denials and I have reached a level of acceptance. The thing that I had the hardest time with was forgiving myself for allowing their words and actions to become my own. Why didn't I see it all happening?
Thankfully, I have a great group of friends and family that have shown me love, not because they have to but because they want to. Those are the best people to have in your life.
Many times, I've have cursed at the sky and expressed my anger that it just wasn't fair. Every time, I bow in acceptance that it may not be fair, but it is necessary.
