Hatred and Social Security

I have been trying for three and a half years to receive Social Security for my son who has a rare chromosome deletion that has caused him to have many disabilities. 

This past April, I walked into the social security office determined not to leave until I had a check. 

I sat down with a woman and we went through my whole file. 

"Do you still live (address of my home)?"

"No, it was auctioned off a few months ago. My ex said he was paying the mortgage..he was not." 

"Do you still have an account at Charter Bank?" 

"No. My ex started dating someone in management at the bank and she, without my permission or knowledge, deactivated my bank card and closed out my account."

The look the woman gave me after stating facts such as these made me smile or chuckle. 

We went through my son's medical history..every diagnosis, surgery, hospital stays, medications, doctors. It all rolled off my tongue with ease although I apologized that I didn't remember exact dates occasionally, only the months and years. 

Finally, she covered her mouth as she read something on her computer screen. 

"Your ex has been submitting his wages onto your account making it seem that he still lives and supports you. This is a rough estimate, but you are owed around $19,000!"

As she spoke, I was washed with the memory of telling my ex years ago that the social security office needed him to submit a paper stating that he no longer lived at my residence. Apparently, he didn't, but instead took the time to submit his wages monthly for years so I would not have money to support his children. 

I started to cry. Thoughts of sadness washed over me. How could someone have that much hate to do things that hurt so many. 

"I am a walking contradiction..laughing at bad and crying at the good." I smiled as I thanked the woman and left. 

I drove home thinking of what $19,000 could do for my family. I could get my son glasses, communicator, music lessons, a dependable car to take him to doctor visits that were hours away from our home.. The list went on and on. 

Instead of receiving the money into the special bank account they instructed me to get, I received five percent of what is owed. I called the office many times. I couldn't drive to the office because I'm afraid my vehicle wouldn't make it.

I was finally told that Social Security will be sending me a payment of what is owed to me once every six months. 

Fear and anger washed over me for obvious reasons. Last night, as I sat outside as my boys slept, I cried and contemplated just giving up. 

The thought came to me that it would take around nine years to receive all that is owed and by that time, my son will be eighteen. If I didn't touch that money and just let it sit collecting interest, my son could have a hefty amount of money to use when starting out on his life. 

This morning, I'm embracing the idea that somehow I will find a way to pay my bills and provide what my son needs and I'll continue to do what I need to do to ensure that he has a life in which he will happily use the money to venture out on his own. 

I've come so far to give in now. And the devilish curiosity in me can't wait to see how I do it all.