Religion

Every morning, a nondenominational paster would quietly stop in my baby's hospital room. He would smile sweetly and ask me if he could pray for my son. I would muster up a smile and thank him. 

Eventually, his routine included him walking around the bed to place his hand on my shoulder as he whispered, "Bless you my dear girl. He is with you." My defense mechanisms and anger would make me tense up and I would fight to say how I really felt. I turned my back on God when I was told my baby would go to Hell because I had a nun baptize him. 

One morning, my defenses were down and as the pastor placed his hand on my shoulder and I allowed myself to feel the love God was trying to send to me. 

I started studying many religions hoping to find one I could connect with so I could be close to God. Months went by and although I connected with teachings of various religions, there wasn't one religion I could stick with. 

I found myself starting to lose it as they wheeled my baby away from me into an operating room. One of his regular nurses grabbed my shoulders and informed me of a quiet and rarely used bathroom. She told me to go there and get my shit together. 

I practically ran to the bathroom relieved it was there. I cried and cursed. I thought how good it would feel to tear the sinks off the walls. The pastor's words washed through my mind as I felt a warm calming vibration travel down my spine. I was washed away with the revelation that my chapel was this bathroom. The moments that I allowed myself to feel hope was God. My constant ache of loneliness was replaced with his presence. 

Years have passed, and I've been blessed with the ability to have conversations with various people regarding their religions. We walk away with a deep connection and a greater connection with God. 

Recently, I came across a conversation of a dear friend and his neighbor. In essence, she told my friend that she loved him but he was going to burn in Hell because he didn't follow her religion or beliefs.  

This burned me for many reasons. The main reason is because there is only one God. I believe religion should be used to bring like-minded people together, to raise energy and love. I could be wrong, but I don't think God wants us to kill each other or condemn each other over religion. 

In my lifetime, I have l experienced Hell and I have experienced Heaven. Life isn't about being rewarded or condemned when we die, it's about living through our Hell and Heaven moments here on Earth; to let go of our agendas and embrace each other with love and compassion, no matter what religion you follow.